Reflections on Day 83

Today is an interesting day on the homestead. It is a day of mixed emotions. It has been awhile since I’ve gotten my thoughts out or discussed what has been happening here on the homestead. Recently, we acquired three dogs; two female pit bull/ lab mix puppies we named Cloud and Arrow along with a male springer spaniel/ lab mix Grant named Drako the Dragon.

They are all wonderful pups. Drako was supposed to be Grant’s hunting partner and was already flushing birds out of the draw on walks at just the right distance for Grant to shoot. Even though we have only known Drako for a couple of weeks he has very much become a part of the family. He filled the role of Grant’s side kick better than any other dog I’ve met. Unfortunately, last weekend on our Sunday Fun Day hike he found some scraps the coyotes and crows had scattered of a dead cow on the other side of our property (the area has open range land so cattle are everywhere up here). Long story short, he is very sick and still at the vet hospital. We are hoping he will improve, but there is still a lot of doubt that he won’t make it. We have spent $2,000 already and the surgery to see if there is an obstruction is another $2,000 which we just can not fathom spending. Tomorrow, we are bringing him home, regardless if he is still not well. A very prominent part of life is death and we believe in a natural way of life. It has been a very hard, emotional situation since we don’t know if he will improve or pass on. We are spreading all our positive energy today in hopes that we will bring Drako home to live out a happy life on the farm.

The journey so far has been difficult. We expected that it would be and we also know (but forget) that it is all temporary. We have been living here nearly three months.  We arrived with the tiny house and our heads caulk full of inspiring ideas. The energy and spirit originally so high was briefly replaced with stress and exhaustion. Fall is here. The weeks of frantically preparing for winter’s chilling arrival have been wearing on us. We now wake up to frozen over ice buckets and frosty grass. It has been physically challenging in such a great way. Every activity includes meaningful exercise and that is wonderful. Some days of course we don’t feel like chopping fire wood, but if we don’t it will be a pretty cold morning in the house. Every day there is an endless list of tasks waiting to be done. And some days, it feels like there is no way we will ever get it all done. But, that is only because we are RUSHING ourselves! We are workaholics! We want everything done yesterday and nothing left for tomorrow.

Since Drako’s incident we put all of the projects on hold. It has officially been a week since he got sick. During the time off we allowed ourselves some mental clarity. Thankfully, through this horribly sad yet subtly hopeful event, we found a way through the emotion and exhaustion. We found a way to wake up this morning, discuss the obvious ongoing dilemma regarding Drako’s current state, contemplate our inability to control life, meditate with an hour of positive mantras, and move on to start a new FUN project! We are building a yurt on the other side of the canyon in the west corner. It is on a hill adjacent to where the earthship will be. For now it will work as a shed for earthship building materials and in the future it will be a glamping guest house and a special hideaway for tranquil MUCH NEEDED meditation time. I think we were subconsciously resolving our own internal conflict by channeling our love for building to provide a safe, comforting space for us to use for all the hardship that is inevitably to come throughout our lives. This yurt will have been built from hardship to mend our hardships. It is quite beautiful.

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In the end of all of this, because this is life and we can’t control it I can say that I am happily fulfilled. I have come full circle. We have come so far in such a short amount of time. Thank you to family and friends who remind us of what we have accomplished. We push to the future still reminding ourselves everyday to stop and smell the roses, enjoy the view, and breathe the crisp fresh mountain air. Most days we compare where we are to where we dream to be. Today, we relax, reflect, and heal our sadness. Today, we ARE where we have dreamt we’d be. This is still the beginning of a life long journey. I’m happy I’m on it, even on the worst days.